BEING A PANTHER (OR THOUGHTS ON MANLINESS!!) 2014
Last week I was driving along Loch Fyne and, down by the side of the road, in a field with scraggy bushes and long grass, were two deer. Two big, red deer with great big antlers and tattered coats, looking manly and cool and just a bit as though they can’t be bothered with all the kerfuffle of cars and blackbirds and rabbits and sparrows.
I looked at those deer, being all manly, munching on the grass, probably not even thinking much about their next clash of antlers and I considered to myself.
I would, I confess, like to be thought of as manly! I think I would like to be a smouldering eyed, sleek footed panther. A moving bundle of passion and testosterone. Someone who walks into the room who people keep glancing at because I exude. What do I exude? – I know; animal magnetism and charisma and charm and passion.
Hmmmm….
Well!
Well, well, well!
I have to admit; despite my biased girlfriend’s views, I am more like a puppy.
I blunder around amiably, with a vague smile on my face. I come up to people and grin and then get distracted and run away, especially if they talk to me. I look at the big people and cower down, in a crouch on the floor.
I meet people and lick their faces and wag my tail, in complete ignorance of who I am and who they are and by and by I curl up in my bed, pull the covers over my head and start snoring, kicking out occasionally, in the middle of great adventures in my dreams.
I like having my tummy rubbed and fall into a state of bliss when that happens. I like to bark wildly at intruders as long as they are the other side of a locked door. I like to run in circles, chasing my tail, as long as no one else sees me.
I like sniffing flowers and eating grass. I like chasing rabbits and never catching them. I do not like being put on the lead.
If I came across a group of big, big, grumpy deer, I wouldn’t know what they were. I would sniff them and say;
“What sort of creature is this?”
We must keep this secret from my girlfriend.
She seems to think I am a great big deer; shaggy maned, with a decisive mind all of my own and feet that paw at the ground, impatient to do things. She says she thinks I am manly but in fact, I am not even a puppy, I am a kitten, no, I am not even a kitten, I am a rabbit, no I am not a rabbit, I am a whisp of a feather, flying on the wind, waiting to tickle you when I fall on your neck. I prefer it this way.
(Photo: Dash the dog. 10 2020)
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