LITTLE GIFTS FOR YOURSELF.
This is the title of the latest set of photographs we are meant to be taking for the Jeans Bothy Photography club.
I am not sure what the small things have been for me recently except I do know that they add up to far, far, more than any big gift. This Sunday or was it Monday? The children went south with their father to see their Pa and Gran and since then every day has been full of little gifts.
I am not sure how it happened but last Monday we were both exhausted; irritable, tired, craving some peace and somehow much to our surprise it arrived. Our main gift has been to sleep. I am not sure how I have achieved this and though I still wake to the shipping news at five thirty a.m. and may find myself listening to strange programs at three a.m. I rarely get up before eleven o o’clock. That luxury of dozing, listening to the world outside, the slight murmur of the radio. Wonderful!
Similarly we both tend to take to our beds in the late afternoon to write or sleep or read and lately find ourselves sharing my bed to watch films on the tiny telly in the bedroom.
Giving ourselves permission and having the opportunity to do nothing is such a rare and valuable thing. In other circumstances I would feel I had to achieve something or do something but now it is like my body and my mind has given a vast sigh of pleasure at the prospect of finding pleasure in small tiny things, sometimes pleasure in the absence of things.
I eat crumpets with bramble jam. I eat Egyptian Lentil Soup at lunch time with toast spread with taleggio cheese. I read detective stories from other authors on my publishers list. I drink cold orange juice whenever I want to.
I walk with Dash in the wind and the rain and snuggle with him on the couch. I don’t mind that my jeans are spattered with mud from the dirty puddles. I eat children’s sour gums and every evening have a dram of the malt whisky I got for Christmas. I have showers more often than usual and when I come out and dry myself off, I feel so clean and fresh. If I am in the mood I will lie down with my hair slightly damp and day dream.
I have found a tiny independent Glasgow based radio station that plays weird music and I love listening to it. I seem to have watched every version there has been of ‘A Star is Born’ but still like the Lady Gaga one the best.
I have besides me, a hard copy of my latest book, Blackbird Singing. I like to leaf through it and pretend it only needs a bit more editing even though in reality it will no doubt need dramatic revision and need huge sections changed and discarded.
Tonight I make Bubble and Squeak and later, we will probably snuggle up in bed to watch ‘Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café’ which is one of my favourite films. I will sleep with no need to get up at any particular time.
In the evening the children will get back and a whole series of completely different gifts will appear until they go back to school.
In a moment I might get into my jammies for the evening, or maybe I will pause and just stare at the ceiling until it is time to start cooking. An abundance of small gifts that have made the week blissful.
(Photos Dash the dog, manuscript, books and so on: January 2022)
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